#newyearnewme

2019 is almost over! A whole decade! I am in shock, but mostly because 10 years ago I was graduating high school and starting a whole new adventure. Can you believe that?? I was invincible, eager, unafraid and excited. I can honestly say that I have very similar feelings today. I may not have always been the risk-taker type and I definitely didn't enjoy being out of my comfort zone, but even 10 years ago, I stepped out to try something new. I turned by back on the same routine or what I had always known and I embraced the rush of life and adventure. Of course, as you could have guessed, that faded over time. Some of my dreams were crushed, reality set in, bills never stopped, friendships ended and knew ones began, (real world responsibilities are no joke) and when I graduated from college, I thought that I needed to have my life figured out. I needed to get a job in the field I studied, and spent a lot of money on, I needed to have a 5 year plan, I needed to settle down and be serious and I needed to make a lot of money! (Spoiler alert- it's never enough!)Well, those are all lies and expectations that the world, social media, our parents and maybe even peers place on us.

I quickly learned that I did NOT have it all figured out. Actually, quite the opposite! I was freaking out. I always did the smart thing, saved money, had a safe job (sometimes multiple) and was making it on my own. And that was 100% OK!! Having it all figured out is rare. It is temporary, fleeting. It is not very realistic! What's the fun in that anyway?? Well, I thought that was everything. It was what I was striving for. I think at the same time, I wanted the approval and validation of others to see that I had finished school while working 3 jobs, paid for it on my own and was working in the accounting field right out of college. Everyone is quick to ask: what did you go to school for? You have a degree right? Do you have a job with benefits? Does it pay well? What they don't ask you is: Are you happy? Does your job make you feel fulfilled? What do you think your purpose is in life? If I'm being honest, these questions were ones that I shoved deep down, so that I didn't have a panic attack or so my life didn't completely derail. These questions gave me so much anxiety and I didn't even want to answer them. in fact, I didn't answer them. It wasn't until 2019 that I started to reevaluate. In the span of 6 years, I had changed jobs 3 times. I always ran into the same issues of hating the day to day job, hating the boss, or feeling undervalued. The job changes were not ending up with different results. I began to ask myself, is it me? Am I the problem? Definitely not! And I say that is the most humble way possible! I was trying to do the "right" things, make the "smart" moves and climb the ladder. I was actually living the "rat race", which I have to say it is such an epidemic today. I was trying to crunch the numbers and calculate how much money would make me happy? How much job-security would give me peace? How much recognition from my boss could give me purpose? I was looking in all the wrong places and it was giving me so much anxiety.

Now if you are wondering if I up and quit, went full force into my passions and dreams and am currently living off of my life savings, that is not the case. I still have common sense and know that I can pursue my dreams by taking small steps that lead to big leaps of faith. That's exactly what I am doing. I am taking baby steps. I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I am saying yes to something I would have said no to in the past. I am saying yes to me, for once. I am always the support to my friends, family, spouse, etc. I am the backbone. I am consistent, steady, responsible, level headed, reliable. If you have taken the Enneagram Test, you are hearing loud and clear, #2 (helper) or #6 (loyalist). Yes, I am both of these. If you don't know what the Enneagram is, look it up! I'll talk more abour the Enneagram in a future blog. My point is, I have never really done any thing for myself. Nothing about my career has been about my interests. That seemed irresponsible, selfish, stupid! I couldn't get myself to really commit to doing something I liked. It takes courage! It takes being vulnerable. I would cheer everyone else on all day long, but to do it myself? Not for me. Well here I am. 2020 is going to be a year of firsts. Risks, unknown, facing fears and embracing who I am. Who I was created to be.

I like to come up with a word that I focus and meditate each year. In 2019, God revealed the word ABIDE to me very clearly. I knew I needed to hold on. Stay where I was at. Learn the lessons I needed to. To keep fighting. To have faith and hope. To lean of Him for guidance. I learned to be content. But I also know that there is going to be a shift. Doors will open and I will meet a cross road where I will leave my comfy, corporate, safety net to go full force into being an entrepreneur. If you know me well at all, I don't start something I am not going to finish. I also am determined to be successful in anything I do. If I love it, how can it fail? Like I said in my last blog, failure isn't an option. Everything is a learning experience. If I am doing something I love, it is not a loss. I am still searching and praying for my word for 2020. Many have said the year of VISION, and while I would love to believe for that, it does seem a bit cheesy to me. 20/20 Vision? So cliche. I also know, from my personal walk with Christ, that I can be confident and confused at the same time. I don't have to see a clear path to know that I am going in the right direction. I also know that He has the plan and I am along for the ride. I will steward what He has given me and use wisdom from peers and mentors. If vision is what I get, then that will make my #2-wing-#6-self VERY happy! If not, that's okay too.

I can't wait to share this journey with all of you and I can't wait to see what the future holds! I am very excited about this new adventure of mine and I hope to have your support along the way!

More to come!

xoxo,

Kaley